Asking....I'm just saying.
This is a photo of the tree outside my apartment....I sit here thinking about my day. I must confess that I am a very smart person, but I do very dumb things. I have never been one lost for words (heeellllooo - Communication major) but I am baffled at my latest behavior. I don't know how to talk. I can express myself without getting emotional or angry. I read a book recently by Wayne Dyer that stated, what is inside of you is what comes out when you are squeezed. So inside of me is there anger, wield crazy emotions? I guess so because that is what comes out. I sit and cannot get it out. I am asked daily, "Please talk to me" but nothing comes out. Where does the detour happen from my brain to my mouth.
Let me give you some insight. I just got this recently. I am scared of fully expressing myself out of fear of rejection and/or wanting to be like. Yes, I am a Diva and often do not give a damn what people think but on the deepest core of me....I get scared. There I said it. I know you may be shocked, but I have the ability to be fully vulnerable .....sometimes.
Inspired to grow and move on, I pose this question to myself -- Why do you not talk about what you want? Do you not feel worthy or trust you will get what you want? To answer my own questions, I am worthy and I deserve what I ask for. But, I get caught in the asking part. It is clearly stated in Mark 11:24 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." No one can read your mind or play guessing games when you clearly do not articulate what you want or need.
I sit here typing think of really what I want from my life, love, and future. I will continue to consider this question, but one thing I know for sure I will make every effort to clearly say what I want when I need it. I have to evade the dreadful thought that "You should just know" because no one really just knows. Common sense tells me I have to ask for what I need.
So, my darlings, what do you get what you want? Do you ask for it? Or do you get frustrated when someone does not give you what you think they should already know you need or want? Is it their fault they cannot read your mind?
Here is my first step, I will tell you what I want....I humbly ask for you to pray for me. I pray for clarity, strength, and absolution of spirit. I will return the favor....
Shine on --
I never, ever assume people are going to play into my needs and wants based on instinct. Folks are usually waaay off, anyway. :) I seek what I need and if I get it, great. If I don't, I tuck it away and try again later. My emotional needs do tend to get lost in my life, anyway. When you have so many people in your house (or life) competing for your attention (I don't mean in the oh-my-God-I-love-you kind of way, I mean the Mom-I-ran-out-of-clean-underwear way.) you lose so much of who you are. By the time the day winds down and sleep hits you like a truck, you have forgotten what it was you were earlier seeking. Days pass and you still haven't gotten what you need, yet you still keep moving. Some days, it is all you do. You move. Then, when you have forgotten what it was you were looking for, someone gives it to you and you feel refreshed. Even if it isn't *exactly* what you were looking for, it is a gift and you should accept it and relish it. My favorites are those short moments alone, the quick trips to the store without children, a simple date to a drive-thru, and a friend that reminds me she's still my friend, when I most certainly haven't been the best... Yes, it's cheesy, and I do happen to have some crackers around here somewhere..
ReplyDeleteThe point is that YOU have to strive for happiness, not for perfection in anything. You aren't perfect and neither are the people around you. Be happy, even when the reason for being happy isn't the one you were looking for.
Love you bunches, babe!
Mandy